Corn Nuts Are Not Classroom Friendly

We all love Corn Nuts. There's a bunch of different flavors, they're super crunchy, and they're just a good snack. But in NO way do they belong in the classroom. There's this girl in my English class that just doesn't get it. She sits two chairs away from me and eats these things ALL the time. It bugged me to a point, but I was okay with it because we were busy doing other things in class. But the she crunched her way through our midterm. Seriously? It was dead silent except for this girl's crunching. Like c'mon, it breaks like every rule regarding classroom food.

1. Food must not be crunchy.

Corn Nuts might literally be the crunchiest food of all time. Like there are seriously times when I thought I broke a tooth on one of these bad boys. Even worse, they're kinda tooth-shaped and -sized. So I'd get even more scared and check it, only to find out it was the Corn Nut.

2. Bag must not be crinkly.

Again, crinkliest bag of all time. It's not like the bag opening is big enough to just slip your hand inside and grab a handful. Either you twiddle your index and middle finger inside and scissor some out of the bag or you just pour 'em out. Either way, major crinklage going on there. Empty the bag into a zip-loc for all I care, just say no to the crinkly bag.

3. Food must not smell.

I love Corn Nuts as much as the next person, but everyone knows that once you start eating them, your breath is shot. Don't plan on having any up-close conversations after busting open a bag. There's no mint-flavored Corn Nuts, guys. Ranch, Barbecue, Nacho Cheese, and Chile Picante. Which one do you want to destroy your breath? The smell also just manages to float around. Like how powerful is that smell that it's able to just overwhelm a room like that?

4. Food must not require finger licking.

This might be a ticky-tack rule, but I think it's earned its spot. Corn Nuts, like Hot Cheetos and other chips, leave that flavored residue on the fingers. First instinct is to lick it off, I understand. But now you've got saliva and Ranch Corn Nut smelling residue on your fingers. Nice. Save the finger sucking for home and bring something else to eat in class. Gross.

Bottom line, don't bring Corn Nuts to class.

10 Games In: What Do We Know?

The Dodgers have played the first ten games of the season, faced three out of four division rivals, and have shown signs of both promise and disaster, starting off 6-4. Although these ten games are merely a drop in the bucket of the Blue Crew's 162-game schedule, we Dodger fans must take what we can get. Here's 5 up and 5 down:

5 Up
Matt Kemp
Talk about living up to potential. The Bison has started off the season firing on all cylinders. At the plate, a scorching split of .441/.537/.647 (BA/OBP/SLG). In the outfield, he dazzled us with his cannon arm, gunning down Orlando Hudson, who was trying to stretch a single to a double. On the base paths, a Major League-leading 7 stolen bases (on 7 attempts). What do we owe this early success to? Don Mattingly's new regime? Davey Lopes's insight on baserunning? Or is simply because Matt isn't Rihanna's Rude Boy anymore? Regardless of why, we're just happy it's happening.

Jamey Carroll
Definitely never expected to see Jamey's name on this list. However, he's earned it and has earned the playing time he has been given thus far. His .393 average and .452 OBP are both second on the team, behind Kemp. He has been solid in the field, playing in all 10 games at either second base or shortstop. At 37, he has provided leadership in the clubhouse and in the dugout. I'm not sure how long he can keep this up, but with Rafael Furcal on the disabled list, let's hope it's for a while.

Clayton Kershaw
What's not to love about the Dodgers' 23-year-old ace? There's his microscopic 1.37 ERA, his 11.0 strikeouts per 9 innings (K/9), and the fact that he owns the Giants. The Minotaur is 3-1 against The Hated Ones in his career, with a 1.07 ERA and 9.6 K/9. The Dodgers will ride his arm as far as it will take them and so far things are looking great.

Andre Ethier
Soon before Opening Day, rumors surfaced about Andre mulling the possibility of the 2011 season being his last in Dodger blue. I was worried that this would serve as a huge distraction and that it would keep Andre from his All-Star form. Ten games in, it seems I was wrong. He is continuing his success at the plate (.368/.442/.447), and has been his usual stalwart self in right field. If he can avoid the injury bug that bit him last year, Andre could be looking at a big 2011.

James Loney's Glove
Over the past five seasons, we have seen the Gold Glove potential in James's mitt, but in this small sample of 2011, he has taken his play to a whole new level. There have already been three or four plays that have caused me to jump out of my seat and talk about how it will be on SportsCenter's Top Plays later on. Of course ESPN is biased so they never put them in the Top 10, but that's another story. James is playing great first base and they need his bat to wake up if they want a shot at the NL West crown.

5 Down
Juan Uribe
His slow start wouldn't bother me as much if he wasn't the Dodgers' top free agent signing and if he hadn't come from the Giants. He is batting an anemic .129/.182/.161 and has only one extra-base hit. I will admit, he has been making solid contact more often than not, but he really has nothing to show for it. Hopefully he can start to catch some breaks and start producing runs like he did last year in San Francisco.

Rafael Furcal
"The Dodgers have placed Rafael Furcal on the disabled list." How many times have Dodgers heard this? I mean, geez. First it was his back, which has given him problems since his trip to the disabled list in 2008. Then there's the problems with his wrist, which was possibly going to send him to the DL this season. However, the Dodgers didn't need to use his wrist as an excuse after Raffy broke his left thumb last night while sliding into third. I know it's not his fault he got hurt and that he probably just has bad luck, but it just happens so often to him and he was batting .192 up to this point. He is the club's highest paid player and needs to play like it.

James Loney's Bat
I mentioned how well James is playing on the field, but his performance at the plate is a polar opposite. He is batting a measly .154/.190/.256 and has only shown power in hitter-friendly Coors Field. First basemen need to possess the ability to drive in runs at any given point in the game. James has never really been known for his power, but a .290/18/105 (BA/HR/RBI) season isn't out of his reach.

Jonathan Broxton
You didn't actually think I'd leave Brox off the list, did you? It's impossible to feel comfortable when he's on the mound with a save opportunity. His fastball has much of its velocity back, after dropping to 92-93 mph during last season, but he's not fooling anybody. His 2.1 K/9 are not supplying the intimidation that batters once had when stepping into the box to face him. Sure, he has 5 saves in 10 games, but thy haven't come easily.

Dodgers' Fans
If you haven't heard about the tragic events that took place after the Dodgers' Opening Day victory over the Giants, turn on your TV or make Google your friend. Those two "fans" that attacked Bryan Stow are what gives Dodger fans (and Los Angeles in general) a bad name. The Dodgers-Giants rivalry is one of the best in all of sports. The atmosphere at the stadium when thy play is unparalleled. But there is fine line between loyalty to your team and drunken stupidity. Do you think Don Mattingly is going to be proud that you threw your peanut shells at a Giants fan? You think Vin Scully will chuckle at the thought of you tossing your beer at someone. Everyone loves their favorite team. We all love the game. Why disrespect it like that?

Projected Roster (with current injuries taken into account)
1. Tony Gwynn LF
2. Jamey Carroll SS
3. Andre Ethier RF
4. Matt Kemp CF
5. James Loney 1B
6. Juan Uribe 3B
7. Rod Barajas C
8. Ivan DeJesus/Aaron Miles 2B
9. Pitcher's Spot